I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
tequila makes me forget i have legs
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
