Where is the hickey?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
