Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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