But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
