Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
