I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
