i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
