the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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