Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
