I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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