I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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