Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
