She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
