A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All the doctor said was why
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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