the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
