I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
