Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
