my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize