Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
