Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize