i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
