you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
