the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
