your parents love me but you hate me
Nicole vs. Life
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
