weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
