I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
