dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
