I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
