WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
