Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
