so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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