But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
