yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
