Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
