dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
