She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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