Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
