just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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