he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
