the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
