This is not my ceiling
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
