Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
