I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
