i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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