I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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