If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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