Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
