I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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