loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
