The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
