Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
