it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
