I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
of course. lets lasso hookers.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
