I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
