Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
