I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
