My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
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i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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