So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
