My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
