Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
