those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
