I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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