my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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