and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
