I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
