Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
