We're facebook friends in real life
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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