did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
