talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
