I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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