Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
