So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
