I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
