I CAN MOONWALK!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
