I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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