we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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