After last night, I could never be a politician.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
