My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
