John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
