DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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