Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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