got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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