Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize